Falling Down.

First time take a sick leave.... Normally when I sick I still go to work, so just now I got go to work, later I suppose need to go to another centre to teach, then I saw my violin teacher, he said, 'You look much worse than yesterday, why don't you rest at home?'
At first I said, 'No, because if I want to take a leave, and that centre if manage to find a replacement teacher, I need to deduct my salary.'
'The fee of the following performance can recover your salary lah, just rest at home.'
'OK......'
But actually when I wake up early in the morning, I was crying, 'NO!!! WHY NEED TO WORK!!??' So I finally take a sick leave.... =.="
Started this year, I always crying, 'I don't feel like want to work today.... ZZZ....' Don't know why..... Haiz.....
Feel like everything so heavy, and I can barely breathe, and then I started don't know what I want, because of this I feel like my life so depress....
I wish I can hibernation for one year, then after one year I will start my life over again, I wish to run away from reality, I wish I can hide at somewhere where everyone cannot find me. So tired, every time I am the one who manage all the things, can someone help me manage too? Too tired to carry everything.
Now I break up already, and my parents keep blaming me because I have hurt him.... I just don't know what I want.... They said why don't you cool down with him, maybe only meet each other after a few months, maybe can solve your problem, you too impulsion(don't know this is the correct word or not). They said I don't know how to endure.
I really don't know what I want, stop asking me why break up, I break up because I don't know what I want, I already lost my direction, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT..
Feel like so selfish, always hate to explain.... so what they ask, what they said, even though that is not the correct answer, but I just admit it. I know maybe I will produce a bad image to the others, because this behavior can categorized as lying, but I think that explain is a tiring thing. So maybe there is some misunderstood, which I think cannot turn back anymore, so don't ask me that maybe I can get back to him..

Yesterday I watch 'Titanic' at TV, first time watch it start from beginning, because I always watch it when the ship started sinking. And I never thought to watch it because my mum always said it is a boring movie. But yesterday when I watch until the ship sink, it is actually a nice movie.
So this proves that what MUMS' SAID can affect a child so much more. I don't know maybe this relationship might be affect by my mum, every time something big happen to us, she always said don't let him know first, gradually, maybe because of that, I thought that maybe something no need to tell him, gradually again, everything don't tell him. This few days I always felt that I can live perfectly fine if I alone. Ya, I really need to cool down.... still need time to deal with my mentality.